Denny Nesbitt Life Coaching Life is too short. It’s a cliché but its true. And I am a big believer that life is too short to be miserable at work. But growing up, and starting my career, I was exposed to other beliefs about life and work such as:

“work hard at school, get a good job, and work your way up”

“put in the hours at work and you’ll get a promotion and a payrise”

“you work to live, not live to work”

“I don’t love my work, but it pays the bills”

“thank f*** it’s Friday”

Sound familiar?

I’ve been writing this blog for a while now but unless you’ve skipped over to my About page on my website, you won’t know about me, my career change story and why I do the work that I do. In other words what makes me think I’m qualified to give you career change advice!

A strong start on paper

I started my career working in beauty PR in London and somehow drifted into the world of corporate marketing. I worked in professional services marketing – helping lawyers, accountants and other services businesses grow their work. I didn’t really like my job. I felt like a bit of a square peg in a round hole and, of course, I blamed myself for that. I wasn’t assertive enough, clever enough, strategic enough, I valued my free time outside of work too much to put in the hours and I was crap at networking. All this I told myself every Monday morning as I pushed myself onto a crowded tube carriage that took me into the City of London. Every Friday evening though, as I drank away the working-week I would tell myself a different story – I was earning good money, I wore a suit to work every day and I had one of those blackberry things. My boyfriend and I had just bought a flat together (I was 24) and on the outside everything was rosy. So what if I didn’t like my job? Who does? Why should I be any different?

My first career happiness mistake was thinking that I SHOULD be happy because I had all the things on paper that made for a ‘good’ career, and life. I soldiered on at work and every few years I would have a bit of a wobbly period that would usually be solved by a promotion, or a move to a new company. It was always a band-aid solution though. There was even one point where I moved from working for a law firm to marketing for a big bank. I thought that maybe the environment was the issue and I’d be happier in an even bigger corporate with even nicer benefits. Of course, I was wrong and actually became so unhappy that I quit that job without having one to go to. I decided then that I’d try my hand doing marketing for a charity. But a few months later without a job and a mortgage to pay I got desperate and found a job in the marketing team of a firm of accountants. Another lesson learned, don’t quit your job without having a plan and have the courage to follow through on that plan.

Different city, same shit job

Then came a big change in my life circumstances. My fiancée and I, who I had been with for 10 years, split up and sold our flat. Without the commitment of a mortgage and expectations of my partner I decided it was now or never to change career. I read some articles and did some online quizzes. I did an evening course in creative writing hoping that would spark some inspiration, but no lightning bolt hit me. I felt very confused and so I booked a round-the-world ticket hoping that a change of scene would sort me out. I had an amazing trip and have absolutely no regrets about doing it because that trip led me to Australia and the life I have now BUT all of that travel did not help me figure out my career.

I arrived in Sydney with a heap of happy memories but a lot less money and found a job within two weeks – marketing for a law firm. Back to what I knew best (or so I told myself).

I hoped that in Australia, with its lure of a more laid-back lifestyle, I would find my career more tolerable, but I was sorely disappointed. I found myself working even harder, and later at the office, and with increased seniority taking on more of the responsibilities at work that just didn’t sit well with me. I felt even more of a square peg in a round hole. I was also exhausted. It wasn’t just the hours I was working but the years of pretence were beginning to take their toll on me. But now, instead of partying on a Friday night and forgetting about my week, I would find myself crying. My Sunday night dread would start cropping up on Saturday night. I met my husband around this time and it’s a wonder he fell in love with me because really I was a wreck and not much fun to be around.

So, what changed?

Kids changed it all for me. I remember reading Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In before I had my first-born and, at the time, I didn’t identify with a lot of the advice. I felt it was aimed at Melanie Griffith, shoulder-pad types who spat out babies and returned to the office later that afternoon (in hindsight something else I was wrong about). But in amongst it all I remember her saying that you needed to like your job (they might not be the exact words but having googled Sheryl Sandberg quotes, and finding some crackers, I cannot find this one) because if you were going to be away from your babies then it needed to be worthwhile.

THAT is what hit me like a ton of bricks when I went back to work. Yes, it was bloody hard managing the logistics of drop-off, my increased domestic workload at home and getting shit done at the office before returning to do it all again. BUT the thing that got me the most was that I was going through all of that, and leaving my precious boy in the care of others three days a week, in order to do a job that didn’t fulfil me, where I saw no future in it and, quite frankly, in Sydney as a part-timer paying for childcare in an exorbitant housing market, my job was barely touching the sides salary-wise anyway. What was the point? What sort of example was I setting my kids anyway?

Three months after returning to work from maternity leave, I engaged a life coach, the wonderful Naomi Arnold, to help me. I meant business this time. No more reading blog posts, googling, doing career quizzes and daydreaming in the shower. I had another 30 years of working life ahead of me. I was not going to waste that time anymore.

Working with a coach got me accountable. I was doing exercises that forced me every week to write down what was lacking in my career and life and what I wanted in the future. She got me to approach this task in novel ways such as thinking about what my ideal university degree would look like. She encouraged me to take action. I spoke to other people doing careers that interested me. I designed my ideal website. In the end, I signed up a for a life coaching course myself because I fell in love with the process. I finished up my time with Naomi with a plan. I was still in my job, but I had an exit strategy and that filled me with hope and made my days much more bearable. I knew I was working towards a better future. People have asked me “weren’t you worried you’d go back? Or fall into old bad habits?” but in my experience one you know something, you can’t un-know it. By continually moving forwards, I gave myself confidence and as time went on, I knew I would never go back. I started working with clients on the side, in my “free time” outside of work and family duties. I began setting up my website and blog and slowly built up my experience, making a gradual shift.

What about the mortgage and the bills?

I’ll be honest with you, as a family we had to make some changes to bring my career change dreams to life. We left Sydney and moved to the Illawarra region of NSW (about an hour and a half from Sydney), where life is, slightly, more affordable. This change enabled me to finally quit my corporate job so I could launch my business and study for qualifications in careers education and development. My husband works from home mostly, but he does have a long commute on the days he does go into the city. Unlike our friends in Sydney, on two big salaries, we drive a very average (my husband would say below average) car and I rarely buy myself new clothes or expensive make-up. We live in a much more frugal way than we used to. So, ultimately, my husband and I looked at our life and redesigned it. We’ve made some sacrifices but the result has been wonderful for all of us.

We are two brits who have achieved the dream of living by the beach, instead of trying to keep up with the rat race in a big city. We live in a community where everybody knows each other and nobody gives a crap what you earn. We have more time together as a family and we have jobs where, mostly, we don’t feel awful on Sunday night. I feel we wouldn’t have all of this other joy in our lives, if we hadn’t gone through this process of redesigning my career.

And the moral of the story is …

Well I hope you’ve enjoyed reading my story and picked out my pearls of career wisdom, such as:

  • Don’t be seduced and chained to a career that looks good on paper
  • Never feel that you are weird, selfish or wrong for wanting a fulfilling career
  • Enjoy travelling for what it is but don’t expect it to solve your career woes
  • Don’t wait for the lightning bolt of inspiration, you might be waiting a long time
  • Don’t try and tackle this on your own by reading blog posts [like this one!] and thinking about what you’d like to do instead
  • Take action, action and action. Talk to others, try out new things and then go and take more action.
  • Don’t expect career change to happen over-night. Be patient and have faith (but keep taking action at the same time, read above)
  • You may need to make changes in your life outside of work if you are really serious about this. Don’t panic! Often, these changes will improve your lifestyle rather than be to the detriment of it.

My final lesson is that you need to choose your own career change adventure. Quitting my job without having one to go to was disastrous for me, but it might work for you. I started my career change when my boys were toddlers – terrible timing some would say – you might prefer to wait until they are at school. I saw a coach, but you might be more disciplined than me and can keep yourself accountable. We are all different and the answer always depends. But creating a life and career that is more like you is always worth the work.

If you want to get started on your career change now or you just need some help with working out your next best step then book in with me today for a working mum SOS. This is a half-hour, complimentary call over skype, where we discuss your biggest career change issues and I help you take some meaningful action towards solving them. Book in today.

 

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