What’s the number one skills you’ve got to cultivate if you’re going to do well in your career?
- It’s not interviewing well
- It’s not writing a killer resume
- It’s not being able to negotiate a pay increase
Although all of those things are important …
It’s doing what I’m doing in the picture. It’s self-reflection.
Sounds a bit wishy washy?
But think about it. Unless we step out of the rapid current of “doing” and “busyness” and take time to reflect on our life and career then we’ll just keep banging our head against the same brick wall.
What if you’re always thinking though? Maybe as you hang the washing you’re thinking about where your career’s heading? Perhaps as you’re in the shower contemplating how you can make things easier at home so you can increase your hours at work?
I do that to, and it means I often forget to shave my legs, but here’s what I’ve noticed … a lot of that “reflection” is actually beating myself up. It’s focusing on what’s wrong with my situation, rather than what’s right. It’s going round in circles but not really coming up with a solution. And sometimes I get really swept up in that thinking and do something rash or talk myself out of something that would be a good idea.
It’s actually unuseful reflection.
So what’s useful self-reflection?
Useful self-reflection is when we step back from our thoughts and observe them. We reflect on whether our thoughts are useful or whether we are distorted in our thinking. For example, we observe the thought that our boss will never let us work part-time and say to ourselves what if I’m being black and white in my thinking here and perhaps instead of throwing in the towel and quitting our job, we work on a proposal to our boss. We problem solve.
No other animal can usefully reflect on their thoughts the way that we do. It’s what makes us human and it’s how breakthroughs occur. It’s the kind of useful reflection that leads to taking action. It stops the busyness and allows us to get laser focused.
It’s really hard to do if we’re running round like a headless chicken most of the day. Thinking on the go and running with the thoughts. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
- Mindfulness meditation using an app like Headspace or Insight Timer
- Journaling – using a journal with prompts like the Daily Greatness journal that I wouldn’t be without
- Values, strengths and personality inventories like 16 Personalities or VIA strengths test
- Tai chi and yoga
You might be wondering how doing these can help you in your career? Shouldn’t you be putting your time into job applications instead?
Well firstly, I’m not suggesting you spend all day in useful self-reflection. After all you’re a busy mum, not a Buddhist monk. But I’m suggesting that even if you took 5 minutes at the start of the day and 5 minutes at the end to journal, and you made this a daily practice, you’d do a lot better in your job applications. This is because you’d be more in touch with your strengths and what you want out of life.
As another example, if you were able to notice your thought spirals, while you’re hanging your washing, that tell you that career change idea is rubbish, then you might actually move forwards with testing your ideas.
I challenge you to pick one idea this week, email me at denny@dennynesbitt.com and tell me what you’re going to do to slow down the busyness, and I promise to hold you accountable. I also have some exercises in my Working Mum Career Change Plan that can help you with your career self-reflection. Click here to download.