Dear Denny
You are almost there – Freddie will turn one on 10 January and you will be through that first difficult year. You will be able to put away the sterilising kit for now and will do a little dance around the kitchen when that happens.
I know this is a bit of a strange Christmas for you. Even though you couldn’t drink last year, as you were heavily pregnant, and you didn’t go to many parties, you weren’t a mum. You didn’t have to negotiate for your time and your needs in the same way that you do now. You didn’t have to worry about how you were going to buy the presents on your list because you were earning a good full-time wage. I know now that money is a worry for you and it will be for a while, but it will get better. Sorry I should clarify that because you’re not going to win lotto and you’re actually going to earn less, but you will come to value your role as a mother more. You will feel deserving of money.
After a year of maternity leave, you’re looking forward to going back to work because you miss using your brain, the banter with your team and, of course, there’s the money, but you’re also nervous because, lets face it, you didn’t really like your job before so what are the chances of you liking it now that you’re leaving Freddie with someone else three days a week. I can tell you now though, you have made a great choice in his childcare and are right to trust your instincts there. Both Freddie and his younger brother Josh (yes, you’ll have another boy!) have carers who love them dearly and do an excellent job of taking care of them, sometimes you will think they do a better job than you. Although, of course, that isn’t true!
Your gut feel is right though. Work is going to be a challenge. You’ll throw yourself into it to begin with, but the work and pressure will mount quickly. You had a lot of self-doubt before and its going to sky rocket. You’re going to compare yourself to the woman you were before who got shit done and didn’t have to leave the office on time. You’re also going to feel like a square peg in a round hole again, not quite extrovert enough, confident enough, strategic enough. Just not enough. But I’ll let you in on a little secret, you’re not going to care quite so much. Because everything they say is right. Your priorities change as a mum. In fact, get ready because you are about to bloom. This is your time my friend.
You’re going to seriously start thinking about changing your career and this time you are going to do something about it. WTF – at the worst possible time when you have a kid, you’re saving to buy a house and you have no time!! Yes. But you’re not going to do it alone. You’re going to see a life coach. Yes, I know, that sounds really self-indulgent and expensive but Simon is going to be super supportive and this is literally going to CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
You’re going to work out, with a lot of twists and turns along the way, that you want to help other mums be happy in their careers. This is something you have always been interested in, as you have always believed that life is too short to be stuck in a miserable job. You’re going to study again and you’re even going to start your own business! I know right now you think you want the security of a regular, wage paying job but you’re going to learn that freedom is just as important to you and that you’re capable of way more than you give yourself credit for.
In four years’ time you’ll be out of professional services marketing and you and Simon will have bought a house down the south coast near the beach. Don’t get me wrong, it won’t be an amazing house and you will still be driving two crap cars. But you will be way happier than you are right now. That’s right, I know that despite the smiley face you put on for the rest of the world you are not actually that happy. And I so dearly want you to be.
So enjoy this Christmas. Cherish this time with Freddie and the small amount of time you have for yourself. Watch Christmas movies while he is having an afternoon nap. Don’t think about work too much and don’t stress about the housework and buying the perfect Christmas present. Have a laugh with Simon because he is stressed too. He just shows it in different ways.
Above all take care of yourself and put yourself on the top of your Christmas list.
Love Denny (Christmas 2018)
xx