In my work I hear women talk about the many things that stand in the way of their career dreams and at the heart of many of them is the issue of confidence.
I don’t have time can just as easily translate to I’m not sure I can do this
I can’t afford to take a pay cut or I don’t deserve to be paid well
I don’t want to study again or I don’t think I’m smart enough to study again
I don’t have the experience or employers won’t think I’m good enough
I don’t know what to do instead or I can’t do anything else
I’ll do it next year or I’m too scared to do this now
It’s something I completely empathise with and, in fact, whenever I find myself making excuses for not doing something in my career, I will probe further to find out what’s really going on. Am I really holding back on that social media post because now isn’t the right time or is it because I don’t have the confidence to put myself out there?
It’s totally normal to lack confidence and be fearful of change. But this becomes damaging when it stops us from taking action and moving forward in the things we want to do. If you think that a lack of confidence is holding you back in your career then here are some things you can try:
Work on your inner-critic
We all know her, the bitch who shows up in your head, whenever you’re thinking about doing something new or entering a challenging situation.
“you’ll be no good at that”
“you don’t have the right experience”
“they’re going to think you’re an idiot”
“you’ve always been useless with technology.”
Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes she can be helpful, for example in bringing to attention a skills’ gap you might have that you could take the time to improve. But most of the time her delivery is completely off and she shows up at totally unwelcome times. From now on, I want you to notice when she makes an appearance and ask yourself “is this thought useful to me”? If she is highlighting that you need to learn about MYOB before you apply for that accounts job, then maybe you need to go and do a quick online course. But if your inner-mean bitch is telling you that you suck and nobody is ever going to employ you, then tell yourself “oh there goes the I suck thought” or “I noticed I’m thinking I suck again.” Recognise it as a thought, not a fact. The more you practice this, the more you will stop getting caught up in the thought spirals that play with your confidence. If you want to learn a bit more about this process, then read Russ Harris’s The Happiness Trap.
Know what you want. It’s hard to have confidence in yourself when you have doubts about what you want. And that self-doubt and indecision will show in your interactions with others. Take the time to get in touch with yourself, your skills, interests and preferred work situations. Create a vision for the future and work out the steps you need to take action towards it.
Celebrate what you have to offer. After time out of the workforce we may think that we have lost all our skills, but of course you haven’t lost anything, they may just be a bit rusty. Also, you will have gained so many new skills and strengths. I know that I have developed patience and organisational skills in abundance since becoming a mother. These can be real strengths in a work situation. I have a FREE worksheet for my subscribers to help you get back in touch with those strengths and traits that make you so amazing. Download here.
Take small, consistent steps. Once you know what you want, it will be easier to take some action steps. Even very small ones towards your end goal. You will gain confidence from the actions you take. Commit to doing one small thing every day to build your confidence, whether it’s an email to a past colleague, signing up for a course or arranging childcare for your return to work.
Practice talking about yourself. By all means dust off the dreaded elevator pitch and update it with your new-found wisdom about what you have to offer and what you want. But also, just get comfortable talking about you in any situation. Strike up a conversation with the mum next to you at the park. Tell them a bit about yourself. This will get easier every time you do it.
Polish up your skills in a low risk environment. A lot of us lack confidence because our skills are rusty but if we practice them in a low stakes environment then we can begin to feel more confident. Think about the work activities that worry you the most and seek out opportunities to use them. For example, organising running a stall at a school fundraiser or signing up for a course. Your local library can be a wonderful resource for directing you to causes in your community to lend you time to or low-cost courses that you can take to boost your skills.
Build a support group and seek out role models. It’s hard to have confidence when we feel isolated. Tell your friends and family that you are returning to work and share your fears with them. They may be able to share some tips with you or simply remind you of how wonderful you are. We all need this at times. Maybe you could reach out to someone you know that has managed this situation well and ask for their advice or perhaps engage the services of a career coach to help you on your journey.
Look after yourself. It’s hard to have good self-esteem if we don’t care for ourselves. I know that when I’ve overindulged in alcohol and bad food and slacked on exercise that I can feel very low in confidence. Remember to prioritise the things you need to feel good – I know it’s hard because we’re busy mums but think about the small things that you can fit into your day. Maybe you can walk the kids to school instead of driving or perhaps you could switch off the TV and get to bed half an hour earlier.
I hope this article has given you some ideas to help you move forward. A lot of us think of confidence as something we either have or we don’t but, like a lot of things, it can be built with consistent practice.
Remember there is only one you and you have so much to offer. If you want to dive deeper into your special skills and strengths then download my FREE worksheet You’re even more wonderful than you know and get discovering more about you. You can also contact me for a FREE Working Mum SOS chat to discuss your confidence issues, or anything else that’s bothering you.