I remember very clearly the moment I told my husband I wanted to set up my own business. We were on holiday in Thailand, so I should have been happy and relaxed, but I was terrified about how my news was going to go down. I prepared myself for all his questions and even had my business plan close by in case he asked to see it.
My husband is a very fair and reasonable man, and my biggest supporter. But changing career and starting a business are big undertakings. I knew it would mean longer term changes for our life such as not being able to depend on my salary in professional services marketing.
A small part of me felt that what I was proposing was selfish and wrong. Why couldn’t I just put up with my job like other people did? However, it had taken me a long time to get to this point and my mindset around career change had shifted considerably. I knew deep down that my current career wasn’t serving me or my family because it made me stressed and miserable. And, in the end, my wellbeing was more important than the money.
I’m happy to say that Simon was incredibly supportive and happy for me. He listened with interest to my plans and told me why he thought it was a great idea too.
The feeling of relief was immense and I felt like I could forge on. From that point on I knew I was doing this. He would help me make sure of it.
I know that for many of my clients, getting the support of their significant other is either a major enabler or barrier to their career change success.
My husband is a good guy but ultimately there were some factors, that I was able to control or influence, that helped to get him on board:
Ongoing communication – whilst that dinner in Thailand was significant and an event we both look back on fondly, it didn’t come out of the blue. Simon knew that I was unhappy in my career for a long time. He knew about it before we got married and he also knew that my greatest dream was to get out of professional services marketing.
Getting support – I had been working with a coach for around two months by the time we had that conversation over dinner. Although working with a coach was an investment of money (and another thing I was nervous about broaching with Simon) it helped my hubby realise I was serious about changing career. Up until that point a lot of my musings had been over a glass of wine or in tears on Sunday night. Although I knew I was unhappy I didn’t know what else to do. When I saw a coach, Simon knew, not only, that I was serious but that I would be doing my due diligence around career change. He had seen me scribbling away in my journal and setting up calls with industry experts. By the time we had that chat in Thailand, he knew this idea was considered and hadn’t come out of the blue.
Having a plan – I shared with Simon my short-term and longer-term plan for setting up and growing my business. Whilst that plan has shifted and evolved since that night, I have communicated with Simon and got his buy-in along the way. There were times that he disagreed with me and I had to fight my corner but I believe that having a plan and goals for my business, helped me stay on track. I even think he saw my courage and conviction as a little bit sexy.
Gradual steps – my plan involved taking gradual steps. I did not quit my corporate job until two years after that night. Instead, I undertook my coaching certification and coached clients on the side. This meant I was no domestic goddess on the home front. We got a cleaner to free up time and I invested in a babysitter one morning a week so I could work solidly on the business. Our evenings of sitting on the couch watching TV disappeared, as I squirreled away on my business every night. Ultimately, this was helpful to Simon. His career was growing too and my discipline helped him limit distractions. He even took on some extra study so we were both nerds.
Developing a shared vision – as time went on, I shared with Simon the tools I had learned from coaching to get very clear on what we wanted out of life and how our present actions were aligning with that. Some would call it manipulation but I call it developing a shared vision as I helped Simon become aware that the Sydney rat race was not serving us. We had both moved to Australia from the UK in search of the beach lifestyle but we were nowhere near the ocean and didn’t have the time to enjoy it. We began working on a plan to leave Sydney and move to the coast. When Simon was offered a new role at work, that enabled him to work from home, I quickly made my move and convinced him that this was the opportunity we were waiting for. After many heated discussions and disagreements about location and timing, we made our move to the Illawarra. Moving further south freed up cash and we were no longer dependant on my corporate salary. I quit my job and got really serious with my business. We were able to spend more time together as a family and buy a house, something we couldn’t do in Sydney because the prices were astronomical. Simon, would not mind admitting that it was the best thing we ever did.
It wasn’t all plain sailing but ultimately I was able to get my husband on board with my career change and the flow on effect has been positive for the family as a whole. We are now in a better place than we ever were financially, we live in an area we love, have more time for our kids and I feel we are setting a positive example for them as they see two adults who work hard but love their work.
If you’re nervous about changing career because you think your significant other won’t be supportive then I hope my story has inspired you. The key for me was doing something positive and having a plan. Back in the early days, when I complained constantly about my job, Simon would never have been on board and he was right because I would have quit my job without a plan, squandered my savings and gone back with my tail between my legs. Investing in the process and having a plan, helps the people we love, and us, see that we mean business.
If you’re struggling with any aspect of your career change and you’d like to discuss some solutions then contact me for a Working Mum SOS.