“I really want to go back to work but after all this time out I’m lacking confidence”
It’s a common concern I hear from mums who are contemplating a return to the workforce after a break to raise children. I totally empathise. I felt lacking in confidence after a year’s break for maternity leave and I was returning to the same job, same company, same team. After three, five, ten years even, a return to work can be very daunting.
Perhaps you’re worried that you won’t get the hang of new technologies or working practices in your industry? Or maybe you want to try out a new career but don’t know what to do and fear you won’t have the right skills and experience? Maybe, dare I say it, you fear that you won’t be able to uphold an intellectual adult conversation about something other than school lunchboxes for more than 5 minutes?And you’re worried you’ll look stupid?
It’s totally normal to lack confidence and be fearful of change. But this becomes damaging when it stops us from taking action and moving forward in the things we want to do. If you catch yourself sounding like a broken record on repeat then it may be time to take steps to improve your confidence around returning to work.
Here are some things to try:
- Work on your inner-critic. We all know her, the bitch who shows up in your head, whenever you’re thinking about doing something new or entering a challenging situation “you’ll be no good at that,””you don’t have the right experience,”’they’re going to think you’re an idiot””you’ve always been useless with technology.” Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes she can be helpful, for example in bringing to attention a skills gap you might have that you could take the time to improve. But most of the time her delivery is completely off and she shows up at totally unwelcome times. From now on, I want you to notice when she makes an appearance, take note of what she is saying and challenge her. If she tells you that there’s no point applying for that job because you don’t have the right experience, then meet with a friend and discuss with her what you have to offer. If she tells you you’re useless at job interviews then remind yourself of that time you aced an interview. After a while you’ll be able to predict when she is going to show up and the more you challenge her, the more she’ll change her tune. You may even be able to turn your inner critic into your inner friend. Or you can just politely tell her to buzz off.
- Know what you want. It’s hard to have confidence in yourself when you have doubts about what you want. And that self-doubt and indecision will show in your interactions with others. Take the time to get in touch with yourself, your skills, interests and preferred work situations. Create a vision for the future and work out the steps you need to take action towards it.
- Take small, consistent steps. Once you know what you want, it will be easier to take some action steps. Even very small ones towards your end goal. You will gain confidence from the actions you take. Commit to doing one small thing every day to build your confidence, whether it’s an email to a past colleague, signing up for a course or arranging childcare for your return to work.
- Practice talking about yourself. By all means dust off the dreaded elevator pitch and update it with your new found wisdom about what you have to offer and what you want. But also, just get comfortable talking about you in any situation. Strike up a conversation with the mum next to you at the park. Tell them a bit about yourself. This will get easier every time you do it.
- Polish up your skills in a low risk environment. A lot of us lack confidence because our skills are rusty but if we practice them in a low stakes environment then we can begin to feel more confident. Think about the work activities that worry you the most and seek out opportunities to use them. For example running a stall at a school fundraiser or signing up for a course. Your local library can be a wonderful resource for directing you to causes in your community to lend you time to or low cost courses that you can take to boost your skills.
- Do something. Perhaps one day a week working in a local shop or doing some odd jobs for another family. This can help you to ease your way back into the workforce in a non-pressured way. You get to polish up your communication skills and earn some money plus you never know where it may lead to. A customer in the shop may have just the opportunity you’re looking for.
- Build a support group and seek out role models. It’s hard to have confidence when we feel isolated. Tell your friends and family that you are returning to work and share your fears with them. They may be able to share some tips with you or simply remind you of how wonderful you are. We all need this at times. Maybe you could reach out to someone you know that has managed this situation really well and ask for their advice or perhaps engage the services of a career coach to help you on your journey.
- Look after yourself. It’s hard to have good self-esteem if we don’t care for ourselves. I know that when I’ve overindulged in alcohol and bad food and slacked on exercise that I can feel very low in confidence. Remember to prioritise the things you need to feel good – I know it’s hard because we’re busy mums but think about the small things that you can fit into your day. Maybe you can walk the kids to school instead of driving or perhaps you could switch off the TV and get to bed half an hour earlier.
I hope this article has given you some ideas to help you move forward. A lot of us think of confidence as something we either have or we don’t but, like a lot of things, it can be built with consistent practice. If you’re still feeling stuck then I offer a 30 minute no-obligation working mum SOS to discuss confidence and any other issues getting in the way of a career and life that feels more like you. Click here now to find out more or contact me now to book in your call.
Denny x