Welcome to my first blog post of 2019 and since valentines day is next week and Easter is just around the corner, I have probably missed the boat when it comes to wishing you a happy new year. I do hope this year is going nicely for you so far though and you have managed to stick to the resolutions you set yourself. Or, if not, that you have lovingly ditched them, without guilt, for more realistic goals.
This blog post has been a long time coming after my extended Christmas break and the time off I decided to have with my eldest son, Freddie, before starting kindergarten. I loved my time off with my family but, if I’m honest, I felt something that I had never felt before – I was itching to get back to working on my business. This was all new to me. When I was back in the corporate world, I would usually be in tears at the mere thought of returning to work after a holiday and saying goodbye to my little ones. Yesterday morning though, I proudly but happily waved my eldest son off to his first day at kindergarten (he did great by the way). I guess Sheryl Sandberg was onto something when she said that you need to like your job if you are going to make a success of being a working mum.
I have felt a certain amount of elation about this. To me it’s the proof that I finally have work I love. So I should be happy shouldn’t I?
Well yes. But I also get incredibly frustrated.
You see I love my husband and kids. I love my work and I have such a passion for this business and so many ideas about where I can take it. But, like you, I have so much other shit I need to do. And it feels like that shit is always getting in the way. In the corporate world I struggled with work life balance because I spent too much time doing and thinking about a career that I didn’t enjoy. Now my work life balance is out of whack because I want to be doing more of the work that I love but my other commitments take up so much of my time.
Yesterday I found myself massively frustrated because I had planned to drop Freddie at school, come home and get out my first blog post of the year. Instead, I spent the morning on hold to centrelink because of a childcare subsidy stuff up that I found out about that morning. So, I resolved to continue writing in the evening after I got the kids to bed. Of course, my toddler was far from compliant and I emerged dishevelled and frustrated from his room at 8.30pm (he’s usually in bed at 7pm).
So, my blog post didn’t go out last night. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, I know, but my life had revolved around my family and domestic life for the past six weeks. I had hoped to be able to do the odd thing over the break, like starting work on a new career toolkit for you, but it just didn’t happen. The kids got out of a routine, they got sick, cars broke down, babysitters cancelled and so on. Its so frustrating but other stuff just kept cropping up.
Up and down Australia right now there will be mums who breathed a sigh of relief when their kids returned to school after the summer holidays. There may be some like me who dropped their first born, or last born, off at kindy with grand plans and dreams in the back of their mind. Even if the dream was to have a cup of tea and read a magazine in peace. I wonder how many of those women returned home after drop-off to an unexpected problem. Maybe a washing machine breaking down? Or a fraudulent transaction on a credit card? Perhaps just falling sick and having to take to bed for a few days. It always seems to be the way that when you plan to do things for yourself something will come along to stuff it up.
So what do you do?
Well the first thing we need to do, and I am very guilty of this, is be realistic. This is a big week for my son and my number one priority is to be there to support him. Also, after an extended break, focusing on my family, it stands to reason that I would have an admin list as long as my arm. I love my work and I have missed it, but I think I was setting myself up for a fall when I decided that I was going to write a blog post yesterday.
We also need to accept that sometimes things are going to come along to disrupt our plans. It is part of life and when we get frustrated and angry about that, we are, in actual fact, creating another issue for ourselves. I do this all the time and find that my anger and frustration hurts me more than the original problem.
Be flexible. I realised while sitting on my toddler’s bedroom floor that my ruminations over how my day had gone wrong weren’t helping me. I decided to be kind to myself and release all expectations about getting the blog post out that night. When I got back to my keyboard I quickly typed out all my ideas, then I made a herbal tea, responded to some messages and meditated before heading to bed. I woke up in a much better frame of mind today.
Go gently
I know that a lot of mums find themselves in a holding pattern during the school holidays, and to a greater extent, during the early years of their children’s lives as they put personal dreams on hold. Our work life balance is pretty non-existent. We can, therefore, build up a lot of expectation about what we are going to achieve for ourselves during these first few weeks of the school term. It’s an exciting time for everyone. But remember to go gently on yourself. I am optimistic that as this week and the next goes on I will start to find a rhythm. I’m sure you will find yours too.
Have a great week
Denny