It’s a long weekend here in NSW meaning a well-earned break and extra time with the kids. Back when I was in the corporate world, I longed for these weekends. An extra day off work to be with the boys, get things done and hopefully squeeze in some chill time. It also meant that instead of Sunday afternoon blues, I suffered from Monday afternoon melancholy. A whole extra day of happiness.
In reality though, it was often difficult to be present with my family and enjoy my longed for free time, whether it was Sunday afternoon, or even Friday night. Because somehow work was always there niggling away in the back of my mind. And it was never a nice niggle. Whether it was worrying about something I hadn’t managed to finish the week prior, checking my emails just in case I’d missed something important or just dreading the week to come, thoughts of work would often pop up when I was supposed to be enjoying time with my family.
Now I’m not sure I believe in work life balance. One of the reasons I’m a holistically trained life and career coach is that I believe work has an impact on life and vice versa, it is very hard to separate the two. And I think we’re happier when the two aren’t competing with one another. But I do believe that work and life can be better integrated so that we can have an easier and more joyful flow between the different realms of our life. For example, integration might be when you leave work early on Friday so you can get an early march on the long weekend traffic, in the knowledge that you might finish off a few things on Saturday afternoon, over a cup of tea, while the kids are watching a movie.
The tension exists when we feel like we are giving too much (maybe begrudgingly) to one realm and not getting value from the other realms i.e. feeling compelled to work over the weekend because we’re worried we might get the sack if we don’t and missing the first night of a family break.
With today’s technology and the ability to be constantly connected to work it’s almost impossible to fully switch off from work. But there may be ways that we can better integrate the two. Here are my six top tips:
Write your to-do list for the next day or week before you finish work – it seems an obvious one but I often overlooked this in my dash to catch the train home. And then I’d spend the evening reminding myself of what I needed to do and sending emails to myself for the next day. When I got in the habit of writing my to-do list before I left work this freed my mind to put work behind me.
Transition – have a ritual to help you separate from work to home. This might be reading a book on the train or listening to some music you enjoy in the car. If you work from home, perhaps you need to take a 10 minute walk outside before you transition to your family. Just do something that creates a mental and physical change between where you’ve been and where you are now. This helps you prepare to be present with your family / friends / free time.
Create physical and mental boundaries – tell yourself and the other important people around you that there are times you won’t check your phone and stick to it. For example, if you want to be fully present at the dinner table with your family then put your phone in another room and turn it to silent.
Plan ahead – both at work and in your personal life. Maybe there are some evenings that are better suited to working late or logging on at home so you can designate those as “work catching up nights.” In your personal life, you can plot special events and things you want to do on your calendar and block them out. Plan out what you’re going to need to do that week in order to stick to your commitments. For example, maybe you’ll need to plan that work presentation for Thursday morning so you’re not fretting about it on Thursday afternoon when you’re at your child’s school play. When we’re rushing around from one thing to another, feeling like we have no control over our days, it is easy to let negative self-talk creep in and not be able to stay focused on the things we value.
Meditate – I know, I know it’s the in thing and you might wonder what this has to do with work life integration but meditation basically trains us to be more aware of our thoughts. Once I began meditating regularly, I was better at noticing when I was getting swept away with my thoughts, whether they were about work or what I was going to cook for dinner that week. I could then decide whether to dismiss that thought or act upon it in a constructive way, rather than getting swept away and anxious. If you’re not in the habit of meditating you could try Headspace to begin with as this talks you through how to do it. Or you could download a free app like Insight Timer that has literally thousands of meditations you can try and some free courses to help you get into the groove. Just be careful not to keep scrolling in case you miss out on the best one (I find it’s like the facebook of the meditation world).
Have more fulfilling and enjoyable work – when I disliked my job I resented any impact it had on my personal life. When I was away from the office that was it. I just wanted to be done. But in today’s 24/7 culture that was sometimes difficult to achieve (I tried) and my unhappiness at work impacted on me mentally. I was filled with constant dread about going back into work and daydreamed a lot about what I would like to do instead. The result is that I was in my head thinking about work and not present with my kids. When I took steps to work towards a more enjoyable career, I felt instantly lighter. And now that I have work I enjoy, I don’t mind that it blurs into my personal life sometimes.
As with most things, this takes commitment and regular practice. Pick one of the above and work on it this week. Or if you’d like to talk these ideas over then book in with me for a free working mum SOS.